Here is the awkward truth, folks.
On your trip to be confident and feel better about yourself after divorce, you cannot be afraid to step on your feet. In other words…
Don't be afraid to bother people.
Strong people will end up bothering people. And that's fine.
Now, to be clear, I'm not talking about being crazy in an unbridled, sociopathic way, "Fatal Rabbit" like a bunny.
However, what I mean is that from now on, you must begin to internalize what you matter. What you want matters. Your value matters.
Because here's the thing. As you recover from your divorce, rebuild your self-esteem and learn to set healthy boundaries, there will be many people around you, some may even be close friends or family members, who may not like to express your opinion. .
If people who don't like it, let this year be the year you defend yourself. And if they get angry or offended because you are defending yourself, forget them. Because you don't need its toxicity anyway.
May this be the first time in your life that you learn to defend yourself.
Many of us have been raised not to raise their voices. To play well. Not to cause a fuss. And yes, when you are at a funeral or a theater, those are our best guidelines.
However, that social conditioning means that during your marriage, you probably let your spouse always get away with it so that there is no conflict. Maybe you accepted the decisions, even when they didn't work for you, because you didn't want to fight or bother him.
But doing that for years probably made you feel resentful, or stole your self-confidence and your ability to find your own voice. And this silence may have buried that part of you, the part that had dreams, hopes and goals that were as valid as those of your partner and your children.
While it may not seem like it, that part of you is still alive. That part of you deserves to be heard, recognized and validated.
But you have to do it yourself. It may seem intimidating, but you must speak for yourself this year. And let the people in your life know what you want.
Because what other option do you have?
However, it will not be easy, but at the end of the day and at the end of this transition to divorce and independence in your life, there is one thing that will always be true.
No one will defend you except you. But you are all you need.
You've always mattered, although the people in your life probably didn't remember you. Hell, you probably forgot to remind you that you mattered. But you must begin to internalize this. You should not be afraid to tell the people in your life, those who exhaust you and take advantage of you and do not appreciate it, that you step back, get fit or get out of your face.
You must be your own defender.
You must be the person in the mirror who tells you that you have this.
You should know that it is time to put yourself first for a change.
And if you need help, for love of all holy things, ask for help.
Because at the end of the day, you have yourself. And if you do it right, that's all you need.
Martha Bodyfelt is a divorce and recovery coach whose "Surviving Your Split" website shows divorced women how to regain their confidence and move on with their lives. To get your free Goddess Recovery Guide, stop by Surviving Your Split today! Website: http://survivingyoursplit.com/